Jay's coming back..? nehh..

hye.nk cter something neh.remember when I told you about this one guy yg I minat masa kt umt dulu..?ala.. yg nicknamed as Jay tu laa..

hmm..I dunno la..we chat quite frequently sjak akhir2 nih. kat fesbukwhere he's d one who started it.

dy tahu ke aku minat dy ritu? haih.. apesal tibe2 rajin plk chat ngan ak neh. dah la xde sengal2 mcm awal2 ktorg chat dulu.

mase mula2 tegur kt fesbuk, ade la jgk komen ke, chat ke ape..

tp mostly cam meloyar je.. merepek.. kona sana sini. 

ak..ble da dgr khabar2 angin yg dy da nak bertunang lah.. nak kawen lah ape lah..xde r nk minat sgt dah.  yela..org da berpunye, bwat ape nk berharap. kueng2.. lgpn..minat gtu2 je.. bukanye tahap head over heal.  so, anggap as senior jela.. sbb tu xde nak cover2 sgt dah..hahaha. in my eyes..this guy sengal sangat ghupenye.

but lately, mcm kureng je merepeknye. huhu. sort of direct je. ok, ade la guraunye. tp..xde r mengom2 pnya tahap kesengalannye ituh. mildly la org kate.

ke aku je yg prasan lebih2 ni? adoyai..

smpt lg bleber kt ak.. suh pkai spek je, sbb nmpk lg educated. (n lg comel. haha.. xtipu ok. :P)

i was like.. erk..apekah. ske ati la nk pkai spek ke x. nak gak ak merasa tak berspek. uh..

i mean.. why's he telling me what not to do or..what looks good in his eyes?

ok..mgkin ak yg terlebih prsn kot. again.

mebi he's just saying what he thinks.nothing more or less.

lgpn..mebi sbb ak salu update status n pkcik tuh nyer fren list xde r rmai sgt.. so, terperasan la kalo ak update pape kn. ade r rs nak menegur. logik r kan.

ahh.. ak je yg prsn lebih nih.. ish.. dy kan da ade kak _ _ _. da heboh kot.. kunun2 dorg xde r declare ke ape, tp..masing2 taw r suke atr satu same len. ak paham la sbb ak pn penah cenggitu. ops.

haha. last2..ak jgk yg xdek calon nk bergosip. haih.. zmn kegemilangan da lame berlalu daa.. 

bru nk minat kat org itu ini.. taw2 da ade gosip ngan dat gurl n this gurl. haih. ni mls nk minat kat sape2 nih. LOL 

kat manelah awk ni Mr Right. jenuh tunggu tahu..huhu

a startling comment. ^^,

ihihik..

kih3...

hehehe..

da xbrp nk btol da..

hari ni bgun lmbt..

sbb mlm td stay up

(yela sgt.. )

bgun2 je.. trus ngadap lptop

trus online..

trus buka notes..

buka fb skali..

(shud I write this? hmm.. ahh.. xkre.. ak nk tulis jgk! ak pnya suka la.. blog ak kan)

hehehe..

buka je fb..

buka profile sdiri..

ehh!! dia komen status aku laahh!!

hahaha.. sapekah dy?

hoho.. dy girl yg da lame sy suka.. dan byk aspek kehidupan sy skrg terpengaruh ngan dy..

erk.. slh ke ayat sy? 

kang org igt ak les plk.. ishk..

bkn la like cmtu..

ala.. kite kan ade je org2 yg kite like di sekeliling kite..

org yg kite kagum ke.. adore ke.. xkesah la girls or boys..

org2 yg kite respek..

this girl..yg sy kata sy like ni.. mknanya..

girl yg I adore her attitude la.. 

remember, I don't adore people because of their beauty.. I only adore for what comes from within. I adore attitude. if someone has a really beautiful figure.. that's her rezeki lah. her ujian jg..

kalo sy cter ni, ade je kot yg trus leh teka.. huhu.. malu la I cmtuh.. huhu

skrg dy hmpir nk capai slh satu impian dy..

which is bidang pengacaraan.

dy dpt twrn tv9.. jd host xsilap..

same2 la kite tggu ye kemunculannye..

bru ni pn dy ada kuar kt safiyya..

jd model..

sy xdela eksaited sgt bab dy jd model tu..

sbb dy mmg cntik.. logik la kan.. sy xjeles pn.. lalala

ape yg sy kagum, dy ni.. dpt tmpil dgn begitu yakin di hadapan org..

kn sy ni de mslh sket bab keyakinan diri neh..

tu yg sy kagum sgt ngan dy..

if u see my FB.. lately sy byk ckp psl mskn kan?

ciskek je memanjang..

bebaru ni pn sy sempat buat banana shake masa kt umah..

(berkenan sgt kat banana milk yg yongseo couple duk minum. knape kt mesia susu prisa banana xfeymes ek? rarely found, pdhal rasa dy sedap je pon..)

sy ni bkn jenis rajin sgt nk ke dapur n make something delicious there semenanye..

tp sbb tgk this girl rajin je bake mcm2.. cupcake lah..itulah..ini lah..

rajin jgk smpai buat sandwich byk2 bg kt coursemate (baik sungguh la.. mcm princess2 je.. hehe)

 sy bace kt belog dy..

so, sy termotivate diri sy utk merajinkan diri ke dapur..

make something delicious n wonderful..

my mom sure proud lah kalo sy dpt bake something..

hihi

hrp2 la dy xbace neh.. kalo x segan la sy..

sy pn bkn la rapat sgt pn ngan dy..

tgk jela ape2 kuar kt wall dy.

kalo dy post ape2 kt belog.. sy baca je..

tp, xde la smpai hari2 nk bace kan..

kalo link xkuar kt homepage.. tak lah terbace..

I'm not a crazy stalker okeh.. sikit2 jela kot.. haha :P

dulu rajin gak dy online chat box fb tu..

salu la nmpk dy online..tp sy xde r kcau dy..

baru 2 kali kot chat.. ke..skali.. barely remember la kesimpulannye..

ala..dy kan ramai fan, msti rmai yg duk buzz chatbox dy tuh..

xmo la ganggu..

kang dy igt sy fan dy plk..

xspesel la... hahaha :P

i want to b thought as a fren, rather than a fan ok..lalalala

kat wall dy pn...sy jrg2 je komen..

kan da ckp, dy tu byk fan..

kdg2 byk je fan2 dy post kt wall dy..tq la 4 bla2 la.. miss u la.. hi gojes laa.. bila nk hangout ngan u la..

wohoo.. so not me lah kalo nk post bnda2 gtu..

sy kan cool type. lalala :P

so, I wish her all d best in her life.. she's indead getting feymes now..

nama naik cepat..

cuma sy hrp..dy xdela hanyut sgt ngan dua glamer neh..

she's a good girl. kind hearted. gentle.. and normal, with several defects we might not know.

so syg la kalo too drowned in that particular world she's into.

conclusion: her sudden unexpected comment did bright my day.. hihik..me like it~~

comel dop saye?? kui3 :P

Flipped, my Flipped.

just finished watching Flipped.

such a sweet, real-like story.

like.. I've been there some time ago..

It's a movie, a love story between Juli Baker and Bryce Loski.

a decent childhood love.

Juli liked him at the first time she met that boy. She's right.

Bryce do have a pair of dazzling eyes.

a fine nose.

a charming smile.

amongst all, I love the scene when Juli's mother kissed her eyebrow before she fall asleep. a very short scene. I don't really know why..

I can't remember when was the last time my mother kissed me.

Or receiving a real hug from her.

hmm.. myb that's one of the reasons I grow up cold like this.

I can hardly show the tenderness of love to those I really care.

oh.. not blaming her. There are hundreds n thousands of possible reasons to this.

She's a great mother. Maybe she showed her love in her prayers.. who knows..

hmm.. I'm not in d mood to write the whole story summary.

u all can browse d internet for it.

if u guys like sweet, romantic story.. I do suggest u to watch it.

haha.. not a single kissing scene (almost).. so it's safe enough :p

guess.. it's kinda too late to have d same story as them.

I'm growing up.

but.. they say, it's never too late to fall in love with d true one :)

I'm glad.. I do have a nice childhood love. First love, I might say.

It was sweet.

It was decent.

So pure, so shy, where people made gossips and spread through the school and u keep on pretending like u didn't hear it, 

where friends keep on teasing u when he was around and u just acted like u didn't care (even ur heart could just burst out each time u see him, but u can just act like u didn't)

where whatever cloths he wears seems perfect on him.

his smile would make u feel like fainting. like a drug or something. very intoxicating. 

like the sweetest smile u ever saw.

where everyday seems like u're in heaven.

being in the class is your greatest pleasure..since u can watch him at the corridor of his class, just at the opposite of ur class. 

(sometimes whenever u see him watching u, u're heart beats so fast..u afraid that he may caught u watching him too. at the same time, u feel like drugged with an ecstasy. extremely happy, that he wud even look at u. ) 

seeing his talking to others girls make u mad. u're jealous. u never talked to him directly at school.

even madder when some gossip him with other girls.

u even cried for such ridiculous expectations and thoughts.

u're hurt when knowing a friend of yours also liked him. u feel like giving up. but actually, there's nothing to give up on. he's not even yours. and that doubles d hurt.

u even tried to match his shirt's colors.

if u don't have, u bought them.

u even write every single scene of the day in a diary. those with him in the story.

and..i'm pretty sure.. it's everyday.

u liked him, but of course u are too shy to admit.

you tried to take pics of him, hoping he wouldn't notice. but u're not crazy enough to put it under ur pillow or in ur desk's drawer so that u can watch it everyday. u extremely afraid of getting caught by ur friends.

u even bought all the pictures that have him in when the year book committee. 

Even those which he can hardly be seen.

u pray for his good life. pray for his success in his examinations, or what even he's been doing.

sometimes, u even forget to pray for urself.

you try to notice so many things about him. where's his home. his phone number (even u wudn't even try to call), his favourite color, his best friends, his interest..

without u realizing that u started to like the same thing.

everything about him.

kinda innocent back there.. right?

thanks 4 giving me a nice memory at school.

p/s: 

oh come on, didn't u say u got over it already?

yes I did..

so, what's this all about? telling these kind of stuff?

I'm just telling. Nothing much. I'm not expecting anything upon writing this.

Hope u r sure with that.

I am. Besides, how can I ever forget my first love. It's like.. impossible. Right? Everyone got first love.. just that d story wudn't be d same.

Okay, I hear u.

I'm just being thankful here.. I'll be fine, alrite..?

p/s/s: "..was clean and smooth from the outside, but it seemed like there was something rotten buried just beneath the surface." -Juli

eii..awk ni kann.........

eii... xphm2 lagi ker..

saye suke kat awk?

ish2... geram2..

takkan na tggu sy g confess dpn awk.

eii.. malulah saye..

awak ni kann...eiiii....

humph.. fine la cmni..

dh la psl keychain tu pn awk x igt jgk..

eiiss.. bikin malu saja saye yg igtkn..

eii.. awk ni kann... grrr...

saye pn da segan kalo bertembung...

mslhnya.. tiap kali sy cuba lari tu la.. terbertembung jugak..

sy nk sempoi2 pn dh xbrp nk sempoi..

nk add balik FB pn da rs semacam..

yela.. aritu saye add awk, then sy cancel balik.. sbb rs segan..

nk add balik? eishh... xpelah..

xmati pn kot kalo x add awk..

lgpn... ada baiknya..

the further, the better..

I'm not going to drag you any further..

xpelaaa..

org ckp.. ske jauh2..diam2..(diam ke cmnih? ngeee:P), penuh kesederhanaan n keikhlasan..

(aiseh.. bunyik cam serius jek. haha)

finelaaa... sy jd secret admire awk je pn xpelaaaaa..:P

(rs mcm budak2 la pulakk.. haha)

sy doakan semoga awk bahagia ngan sape2 yg awk sukaaaaaa~~~

(ok, seyes rs mcm luahan hati budak form 2-3.. hahaha)

p/s: penulis sedang mamai kekenyangan. abaikan post ini.

sebuah ingatan.

erm...hari ni.. aku ditinggalkan sorg2..rai dan naz balik kedah..

sunyi..aku cabut pergi kafe baru..ada wireless..bleh try hempon baru ni.

k la, aku ckp model pe.. nokia C3.

urmm.. cam sunyi yg amat je..

langit pelan2 mengelapkan diri..

ntah mcm mana bleh terview yg xsepatutnya..

erm..xtau la nk kata patut ke tak, dah ditaqdirkan aku terview..

patut la agaknya..

*hurmm.. merepek.*

skrg ak btol2 xde mood nk bwat FYP. slide progress pn xsiap lagi.

baca journal? hurmm....

*sway*

skrg da sket sedih..

xde la sedih, meraung2 nangis guling2..

cuma... terkenangkan sesuatu..

yg bwat hati rasa touched. sebak. berat. sesak..rasa macam hati tu kena ramas2..kena pijak, sepak..campak..
aihh..

ni gara2 terview td la ni..

mula otak pk mcm2..

hati pun...hurmm...rasa macam2..

aku rasa, mgkin dy xkn bace dh belog aku ni.

ak pn penah je terdetik nak block ke hape..spy dy xbace..

ak pn da lame stop bace dy pnye. dah xbrp nk igt pn. 

aku tgk, link pn dah xde..so.. lgla ak xtringat nk mencari.

let by gone be by gone kan..hurmm...

cumanya.. ter-found satu info tu...

hurmm..faham2 jela bg org yg curiosity tinggi cam ak ni..

*nk dijadikan cerita la agaknya......*

I'm not reponding. I'm just going to write whatever came from my heart.

skrg.. aku dah nk masuk sem 6.

sem akhir, inshaAllah..

dan.. pernah.. cuba menyediakan diri.. setelah ak grad.. hurmm...

akan ada satu engagement..

engagement seseorg..........

awal kan? mmg..ak pn mcm xbrape nk yakin..

tp, ia adalah..pernah..menjadi satu perancangan.

aku cube jgk meyakinkan diri. 

aku terlibat dlm perancangan itu.

he asked me to have faith in him. that's exactly what I did..

aku mahu dy tahu, aku percaya pd dia! and I was hoping he would do the same to me..but..hurm...

sungguh sweet ye taw ada org bwat plannin nak hidup dgn kamu! one day, aku pasti akan rasa lg..huhu..

hurmm..

*sebak*

tak berjaya nak gelak.

sungguh sedih tau tak..kalo....perancangan itu...tak menjadi..

hancur,.. when you started imagine sweet things ahead..

start prepare la kononnyew.. blaja la jd matang.. mula serius..nak rajin2 bangun awal sgala..

blaja masak. start adapt cara si dy..

cuba memahami.

cuba terima..cuba percaya..cuba meyakini...

hurmmm............

at once, mmg ak pernah la cuba jadi org baik.

and.. it is so obvious, dy jadi pendorong utama ak.

(sbb ak pk, nnti..nk hidup same2 kan..so... kena la adapt..lgpn, jadi baik, ak pn dpt benefit)

nk bwat ape2 yg cam kureng sket pn, xbrp nk terbuat..

dah automatik mcm ada restriction atas diri aku..

bunyi mcm xpatut kan, brubah kerana org?

but at least aku berubah. ak masuk usrah sgala.. dpt jugak input..

bkn ak hadir dgn hati yg 100% tertutup.

ntah la..

skrg pn, ak masih sgt segan dgn dy.

tak mungkin ak akn tegur dy lg psni..

or at least, bkn ak yg mula2 tegur..

reaksi aku yg xmatang, penuh emosi..

tahu marah je..tak dpt nk terima..

*mgkinkah aku cuma terlalu obses? tak paham. bkn anak bilionaire pn. bukan r hensem cam Tom cruise ke..atau mcm yg jadi watak utama citer Push tu ke..atau.. se charming, segentleman sapa2 dlm movie..or org yg aku kenal pn.. it's just..he's my 1st love. so hardly I can let go, hardly believe..my 1st love ruined.*

tpkan, kalo aku dgr cter kwn2..

adala 2 org member lelaki ni..clash..

both of them..perhaps dah plan nk ikat suatu hari nnti..

tp, putus d tgh jln..

then, si perempuan itu bertindak mcm ak

(ak xnk la letak sebijik, sbb ak bkn taw sebijik2 ape yg dorg ckp)

hurmm..reaksi dorg...marah2..keluarkan kata2 pedas..

adehh..pompuan mmg cmni ke? hurmm... ok..skrg dh jd pengajaran, len kali...xpatut bwat cmtu..

kalo sedih ke, marah ke..sengsara ke..jgn dituturkan..

org boleh sakit hati. kalo maafkan pun, rsnya mungkin dpt diingat smpai mati..

huu..tahankan je. biar rasa cam nak mati pun, tahankan je...huuu

hurmm...petang masih suram. awan bawa hujan.

mahu menangis bersamakah? xpyhla... not in d mood to shed tears

aku pn xsure ape yg aku rasa skrg ni..

marah? hurmm...takkan la.. ak dh xmrh..

geram? erm...tak jugak..bnda dh jd kan..nk bwat cmne..

sedih? xdela sgt..kot..

err..takkan rindu kot.

ishh.. aku dh lepaskan kan...

erm...masih ada hati? better not..

ermm.. no komen..aku xtahu. ak rs..patutnya..x la kot..kan..?
huhu

hurmmm.....kalo tak....

tahun depan...

ada cincin tersarung pd jari yg xbrape nk comel nih..

xkesah la ape rupa, mahal murah.. grand atau tak..

yg pasti ia akan jadi sesuatu y sgt besar nilai dlm hidup aku.

 

p/s: kesalkah? xde mkna. Allah ada agenda. aku tahu, pasti satu2 masa.. aku akan teringat akan kisah tu. tak kira sekuat mana pun aku membusykan diri, cuba lari, lari dr dia..dr kawan2 dy..lari la kemana2..cuba cari pengganti.. cuba merepek.. konon2 cuba berubah.. jd gila..senget..hurmm..sure, smpai mati pn pasti akan ada dlm ingatan aku........*sigh*

at least, aku ada fresh start tuk jadi diri aku. dan, mgkin lepas ni ak xdela smpai terlalu berusaha berubah untuk sesuaikan diri dgn hidup seseorg.  harus saling menerima la. bkn org len pun, jadi teman hidup smpai ke hari tua jgk kan? biar nmpk yg buruk2 pd aku dulu pn x apa, asal dpt terima.. aku ni, manusia biasa jgk. xperfect. kompem2 ada kelemahan. kompem2 buat silap. dan..kompem2 juga bkn takat skali dua... tp, at the same time, pasti ada kebaikan dlm diri aku. kelebihan tu, perhaps..boleh la dijadikan surprise di hari kemudian.. haha..aku pn xsure apa kelebihan aku, tp..pasti akan ada la something, tak byk..sikit.. yg bwat si-dia-yg-belum-diketahui-siapa ske kat aku. jatuh hati kat aku.. adehh...*blushing pula. ayat jam prasan jek :p* wei, aku seyes ok! mestila ade something yg bwat korg ske kt seseorg. xkan xde lgsg. kalu xde, xkannya terberkenan pulakk..


merepek: signal mood da ok sket~

MiNam blushings.

 dear diary..(tulisan sesamar, sekecil mungkin.. malu lew public diary cmnih..hoho)

hurghh..so sleepy..so tired.(must make it short n compact.. na tdow cepat2)

da lame x rushing2 mcm td..terkejarkan sign Peg. sains..sign SV lg..digestion pulak berjam-jam x habis lg..

ahh..itu cter ptg td..I want to story2 cter pagi td..eh..tghari~aha~~

kan bru smlm aku khatam cter u r beautiful..terexcited skali ngan MiNam ble dengar confession TaeKyung..

ow...joh ahae~

tghari td..nk simpan sampel projek..segan la nk smpan kt l*b bel*****s.takut bertembung ngan 'dea'..

(mstila.. malu2.. kuceng..haha :P)

hoho..so, simpan kat len.. Mimi ajak lunch kt kafe..she waited there.

aku on jela..terus stret ke sana after simpan sample sume..

so..otw nk ke kafe tuh.......

nak dijadikan citer la kononnya..

(ke..jodoh??! :P)

ternampak la pulak him n 2lg kwn dy..nk g mkn jugak kot..baru kuar toilet ke kot..

(secara rombongan?) 

"yeay! leh la aku curik2 pndg ke hape satgi.."

gatai naa..

(suasana ade la bertukar jd bunge2 sket..ada sparkle2..awan kaler pink :P)

they walked ahead..

I know he noticed me there..

sempat kot dy berpaling masa nk jln tuh

sempat la dy nmpk aku kt blkg tuh 

few secs eye contact made.

jln..

jln..

"lor...asal 2 org kwn dy tu jln ke depan sgt.. tertinggal dy kt belakang..uhu.."

(ke..sengaja..?? ke...ishh2.. ape aku pk nih.. ta mungkin..ta mungkin...jgn prasa lelebih)

jarak:

he n his frens..1 meter..

me n him.. 1 meter..

aku ni..aduhai..kekok la plk..

"dy taw ak jln kt blkg ni.. xkn ak nk bwat cam xkenal je..huhu.. 

dh byk kali deal.. xkan xcam aku lg.."

so.. dengan bunyik dram, bass yang silih berganti..

dan taman yg penuh bunge ros, orkid, mawar, melati dan segala2 bunga lah dlm hati (ayat merepek),

I went closer and bwat2 brani tego..

"(His REAL name)! camne 'mesin' tu? ada org guna lg ke..?"

huhu

dan terjadilah satu perbualan pendek antara aku dan dea~

muahaha..

gatal3!! 

(ulat bulu ni haa.. slhkan dy. sape suh merayap mrata2..ishk..)

:P

nak je Mimi nmpk masa aku jln ngan 'dea' td..kih2

ade bukti sket..kakaka

ini sungguh diluar ekspetasi

peluang emas..atau setan da masuk jarum?

=.="

lantak laa.. aku bkn ngorat dy pon..

bkn bwat pelik2 pon..

tego2 bese je..

mcm ngan kwn2 len jgk..

bukankah tegur menegur amalan sihat?

(kunun!)

never tot I cud approach him this close..

never tot to even speak to him again after that nite

dulu..dah la igt nama len..

(dah itu yg tertulis dlm kad, skali ngan hadiah tu.. aku igt nama dy Jay lah..)

opss.. sedikit terkantoi disitu!

haha..

xpe2... few je yg taw nama tuh..

haha.. yg rapat2 jek paham who I meant when I say Jay

:P

ahahaha..

(ak pn da lupe ape yg dy ckp td.. yg aku igt.. "zarin kan? igtkn yg sorg lg nama zarin")

haha...he remembered my name~~~

ngee~~ 

uh na na.. what's my name..

uh na na.. what's my name..

(iklan lagu baru Rihanna. I don't think it's a clean n cerah type of lagu laa.. melody cambest.. meaning? hurmm.. lu pk la sendiri)

hoho..lagi kembang, mekar mujur xtertanggal jek klopak bunge2 kt 'taman' ni ha..

hahaha...HAHAHA! <--gelak beriya

nak amik mknn pun tersengih mcm org gila..

pilih lauk pusing sana sini..

(sbb 'dea' pn tgh pilih2 lauk gak.. aku tgk dy amik lauk ikan patin masak tempoyak 

(betul ke ni nama masakan tu??mcm x complete jek), sayur same ngan aku..tu je kot.)

aku pn asalnya nk amik ikan patin tu jgak...(citarasa sama! I loike~)

tp, da tinggal kepala jek..

aishh.. aku bantai jela keli tuh..

xsedar.. ambil nasi dengan begitu byk skali..

tu pun seb baik Mimi tegur..hoho.tp...rs cam bese jek..huhu

tahan jek sengih masa mkn td.

karang org ckp pe plk kan..

"apela yg sronok sgt mkn nasi tuh

lauk pun same je kot hari2.."

hehe..

licin dowh! kenyang~

alhamdulillah.. stelah bbrp hari kebuluran..

pas Isyak td.. Kak Zue ajak mkn laksa sarawak kt rumah dy..

pun ak amik ngan byk..

licinnn jugakk..

miahaha..

parah2..

p/s: after2 dis.. guna J jela as kata ganti diri 'dea'.. susah dgt nk letak breket sgala bagai. hoho.. since he remembered my name,

n aku pn xde la cam stranger sgt ngan dy.. sempat la kot aku say thanks for that lovely present b4 I graduated. huhu.. 

back then, I was so innocent. nk ckp trima kasih pn terketar2 kt total stranger cmtuh.

=.="

sy yakin sy x slh dgr!

psst...nk tahu tak satu cter??

semalam kann..

sy kann..

huhu..

masa tu duk sorg2 dlm bilik..

kt hostel la ni..

Rai tdo kt umah sewa..

dh pukul 12 lebih kot masa tu..

sy yg tengah syok online ni..

download itu ini dari youtube..

abaikan je suasana yg sungguh seram di perkarangan hostel nih..

dengan xde org nye...

dengan gelapnya..

satu blok, dlm 3-4bilik je yg menyala lampunya..

ibu mengandung n org yg ade penyakit jantung mmg xleh stay la kt hostel ni time2 nih..

huhu

sy terus fokus pd skrin laptop..

..

tibe2 terdengar something..

huk..huk..huuuuuu~~~~

huk..huk..huuu~~~~

sore menangis! mendayu...huhu

sy cube nk amati la..

kot2 slh dengar..

hah!! sungguh! tak tipu!

betul2 jelas..

cbe nk think positif la..

sore kuceng kott...

so..sy selak sikit curtain,

sy mmg duk sebelah tingkap je..

eh..patut la kuat semacam bunyi ombak, x tutup tingkap rupenye..

takut jgk semenanya skit2..tp..branikan jgk..

so..

dekatkan telinga pada tingkap..

dahi berkerut..

..tunggu..

beberapa saat pastu bunyi lagi!

obvious! kuceng ade ke tersedu-sedu cmtu?

(mula tringat kisah yg dialami slh sorg kwn kt Matriks dulu.. agaknya ni yg dia dgr time tu kot...

menyebabkan dia n sorang lg budak aras dy dtg tdo bilik sy...)

huhu..

sy maseh bwat2 kool..

kalo tetibe bwat gelabah, mau pengsan terus kot..

nk g toilet la sat..

nk cepat2 tdo..

kuar bilik..

otw to bilik air..sy brenti..

nk pastikan..

kot2 dlm bilik je dgr cmtu..

bunyi lg!

sy perlahan2 pergi ke hujung koridor..

ehh...xbrp nk brani lah plk..

huhu..

kang tibe2 terjojol depan muka..

baru tahu..

balik bilik,

cepat2 sy buzz chat box Ayu..

seb baik x tdo lg..

bilik Ayu ada 1 katil kosong..

sy pn, yg maseh kool tp sedikit tergesa..cepat2 kemas ape yg patut..

then blahh trus ke bilik ayu..

huhu..

bangun pagi td..

terus terngiang2 ape yg sy dgr semalam..

huhu..

seyes, ni 1st time sy mengalami bnda cmni.

xpenah pn kena kacau ke, kena tindih ke..

even satu bilik dh kena..
sy..tak..

(time matriks dlu laa..)

dh la.. bdak yg penah duk bilik ni 2-3 tahun dlu ada conteng kt dinding..

"duk bilik ni elok2...hehe..ada tuut.."

yg sebelah lg plk..

"jaga bilik ni baik2..hati2..bilik ni keras"

huhu..ktorg salu je gurau2..

mmg la keras, konkrit kot..

hehe..

malas nk amik kisah sgt..

huhu..

p/s: smlm bru je kcau coursemate (to b direct, en. Luqman) yg online sorg2 kt kafe kusza via ym.
tgk2 kite plk yg kena..hohohh..

jgn dilayankan sgt perasaan takut tu, nnti lg bnda tu suka..

kte x kcau 'dy'..hrpnya, xde la nk kcau2 kte jgk..

huhu

'dy' pn makhluk Allah gak..

:d

dear diary..

 

today I met him again!

ohoho.. I thought I'm not gonna meet him today..

yela, ari ni xde urusan pape pun kat l*b tu..opss..

n..it was raining. not so heavily..

I went to the hatchery, since Mimi said one of my crab treated yesterday died.

with my Ego motorbike.

(sure it's a motor bike. a bike with motor, right? :P)

so..after kemas2.. I saw Dr Faridah!

ehh.. why is she here? hujan2.. nk tgk set up ketam ktorg ke??

she told me she's bringing bel***k*s supply..

ada budak nk guna..

oh..

ehhh! bel***k*s! mungkinkah..???

'dy' pun guna bel***k*s utk projek dy..

so I saje2 asked her..

budak m**ter ke?

she said yes.

oh my, is it him?..or his friend?

so..I yg actually nk redah je hujan tu, tunggu kejap.

alasan: tunggu hujan reda sket..

padahal......hehehe

then..bunyi motor.

(berdebar2 nih..haha..saspen2)

tgk2..

Hah! betulla..dia! haha..bleh plk nmpk dy arini.

unexpected~

time tu..ofkoz laa berbunge2 hati ni

haha..adehh

(blushing)

ak tgk dy gtu2 je..curi2 tgk la katekan..hihi

hoh! dy pn ade la jgk terpandang ak..

ohoho..

he sees me!

he knows I was there!

haha

hoho..da taw kaler bju hujan dy~~ leh la beli pasni yg kaler same..kih3

aku plak bwat2 curious psl bel***k*s tuh..

so.. g la dekat 4wd tu.

ok.. indirectly..g kt dy la jgk..

skali lg..bwat2 tnye..

"owh..yg kecik2 gni pn guna jgk erk?"

dy ckp.."haah"

haha...ak xleh lame2..kang terkantoi plk

:P

hah!

ak taw dy ada motor, tp xtaw motor ape..

this is d time!

haha..

otw nk g kt motor ak..ak sempat la curi tgk motor2 kt area tu..

yg ada after my motor..

ade satu motor ni, kaler oren hitam. ada 2 helmet atas tu..

yg tu la agaknye..

hehe..

dy dtg ngan member dy

(haha..tak pasan la plk muka member dy td cmne..kakaka..nmpk sgt :P)

plate T*S something..

haha..

nk demam plk rsnye..

kes hujan ke..kes hepi terlampau??

hahaha

seb baik la ade jgk bnda yg bleh mengexcitedkan diri time stuck kt UMT neh

xdela kosong jek tnpa perasaan..

or perasaan slain homesick dll.

haha..

huhu..ok2..dh sedikit berjaya gembirakan balik perasaan..

nak tergelak sunggoh..cam bdk2 balik je rs..

mcm zmn dolu2..

opss..

know what..

I don't expect him to like me back.

in fact, plizzzz don't like me back!

if he does, oho...things'll be a lot complicated.

haha..pelik kan?

let me like him sorg2..

let me like him diam2..away from pengetahuan dy.

this is better~

herm..xtaw la like sbb ape.. 

I don't know he recognize me o not..

I don't know if he knew that I ever exist in this university..

I don't know if he..ever remembered the gift he gave me that night..

well..maybe he gave it randomly..

cuz I was accidentally there..

so..he gave it to me..

if I wasn't there.. so, he wud've giv it to somebody else..

right?

I'm quite sure he didn't give it purposely TO me..

he might already have girlfriend.

or..tunang maybe..

married? I don't think so..haha

I don't know..

but I enjoy this state.

I'm not harming him.

I'm not involving him directly in what I've been feeling..

mybe.. I just feel awkward..or..delighted..pleasured..

when some stranger guy giv me present..

myb this all just actions of gratitide?

ntah..ak pn xpaham daa..

ahh..ni gosip je kot..

suke2..

hahaha..

girls..

hurm...

aku tidak pernah benar2 membenci kamu..

sekalipun aku mahu..

...aku tidak mampu.

should've seen it coming..

hurmm.. sorry..

I shouldn't talk about this anymore.

but.. i can afford to avoid

can we actually give orders to our own feeling?

ok, if we do..

but..do the feelings actually follow you?

hurm...

dear diary..

I thought.. I'm done with it

I thought.. I'm strong enough now..

but..I guess I was wrong

not.. it's killing me from inside

no..not killing.

just.. hurting..

when I was facebooking, as usual..

I clicked d home button

guess what

there's a pic of 'him' on my homepage.

(jrg nmpk news about him, cuz I've blocked him. not that I hate, 

cuma sy bimbang diri sy xdpt nk handle ble nmpk apa2 berkaitan dy.  

I didn't mean to menyinggung perasaan sesiapa by blocking2 ni.. 

I'm just protecting myself from my own unwanted feelings

takut sy...hurm.. jadi mcm skrg..)

and I was like..

"..."

(speechless..)

I shudn't try to click on the

'view all ... comments'

and..I was thinking..

"nahh.. shud be no big deal. probably just chats between the siblings.."

so..clicked it.

and..

omg.. not like a thunder..

more like a.. snake bite to my heart..

they're talking about his marriage..

and.. a bit of clue on the girl.

tssk

hey..sudah2lah.. he's not into you anymore.. he got someone else..

I know..I am letting it go. but.. but..

but what? you're saying.. you still keep him somewhere in your heart?

I don't know...

what's d point.. just get over it okay

I am.......... I thought so..

hurm.. sabarlah...

ye..

u'll have ur own partner one day.. someone who deserves you

hmm.. am I still into him....? am I? am I not done with it?

am I still.. 'love' him?

hurm.. I don't think it's love. 

more to a memory..

which once occupy a very large part of your heart..

then.. what should I do? for God sake, I seriously want to let everything about him go..

I........ don't have any idea..

just be patient dear..

Huu..

ruined mood. again, I don't hate him. I hate myself even more now.

why it happens for me to feel such thing.

I SHOULD NOT BE BOTHERED!

and when these kind of things happen.. I usually end up whispering..

"hey Mr Right, where are you..? come save me.."

cuai, lapar, projek...terantuk...

Yesterday..teramatlah cuai. Huu.. macam2lah...

Bermula seawal pagi, tp lupe kul brp.. aku n other budak ketam; mimi and Rai, memang sibuk menjenguk n mengurus hal ketam. Setting tempat untuk tangki. Deal itu ini...non stop I ckp u..

Semalam..aku pergi jumpe supplier Ketam Nipah. Area batu rakit. Dea cakap.. stock banyak.

Aku.. besenye g sana naik kete sewa. (abes dwet aku..huk2...ntah Dr. Trime ke x resit kete sewa tu nanti...). 

tp, kali ni. Mls. Ade moto sdiri kan. So..ape kate kte merempit jek ke sana. Xde la jauh sgt..

(bukan aku bwk..tp, Rai. Aku xbrani nk bwk jauh2...xde lesen kan =p)

 Rempit punya rempit, last2 smpai gak sana. 1st time aku nek moto jauh sket daripada bese..ohho.. kebas pipi rasanya, even dah turun moto. Kne angin. Tehee..

Encik Amir sengih je. Eh..Amir. tak payah berencik-encik katanya..umo pun lbih kurang sebaya. Dea 23 tahun..

(yela..kte dilatih skema2 ble treat org. Nk bwat cmne..)

Amir bawak pergi tgk ketam. Wee...akhirnya, cukup 10 ekor. Boleh la eku start projek aku. Aku letak ketam dalam guni. Then..aku letak guni tu dkat kaki lima. Ada pelanggan datang, Amir layan dorg dulu. Aku n Rai duduk sembang..huhu..pasal ketam jugak..(tak abes2 ketam..bosan tul.. smpai terbawa mimpi. huhu)

Pelanggan tadi pulang. Amir timbang. 600gram katanya. Aku pelik gak..dlu, 15 ekor cecah 2 kilo..tp, aku amik endah sgt. Rai tgk isi guni tu.

“eh Zarin, bukan ke kita amik 10 ketam tadi?”

Aku tgk. 

Eh...asal 4 ekor je ni? Aku da cuak...Encik...eh..Amir pun..muka saspen. Haha..

“erm...rase abih kuor blake doh ey.. ngayap pah mane doh nih...” kata dia. Sampil memunggah zink, kayu2 kat tepi pagar. Aku dan Rai ikut sama cari.

Rai jumpe sekor. Tp, ble aku tgk balik...spesis len, so aku reject. Ltak balik dlm Tangki dea. Jumpe lagi..2 ekor. So, skrg dah 6 ekor. 

Cari lagi.. tp..xjumpe.

Semalam, bos ade. Huhu...dy pun cari jgak. Aku takot dy marah..sbb bwat dy rugi..3 ekor ketam..huhu..

Selalunya...Amir je yg in charge. Bos xde. Bos dah berusia. Aku nk gurau2 pun...xbrp nk brani la.

Serba salah aku..Bayar tuk 4 ekor je..huhu..

So, kena pergi skali lagi r. Untuk 4 ekor lagi.. adei...lucu.

‘haha..kalo x, dah x dtg dah kt tmpat tu..hehe...ade la tu hkmah jadi mcm tu..’

Cuai gila..malu pun ada..

Aku suka...cakap ngan Amir tu. Maksud aku..dealngan dia. Aku tanya je ape2 yg aku nak taw pasal ketam tu. Aeration, penjagaan..air..camne itu..ini...dari mana dapat...kalo salin kulit cmne...mcm2 la..

Yela.. aku bukan blajar sgt pun pasal ketam. Byk bnda yang aku xtau..

Dia jawab je pe yang ktorg tnya. Aku suka... sbb dia x expect kte taw segalanya pasal ketam tu.

Bukan nk mengata..or mengungkit..just telling facts. Usually, org yg tggi knowledge..

(ala...ckp jela..lectrer2..kan??)

Yela2..lectrer...huhu.. dorg salu anggap kte taw sgalanya.. Kita ni, nama student. Nak bwat projek sbb nak taw. Kalo nk tnye solan pun, kne tnye yg betul2 scientific..huhu...kalo tak..ade la nanti kne sindir pape..huhu....

Rasa sungguh terhad.. susah sgt ke, kalo jwb je..pe org nak taw. Sy xmksdkan sape2....ckp secara general..

Tula..kdg2, pyh nak berkomunikasi ngan org yg terlebih educated ni.....

Urm..then..ble balik tu..fenat dan lapar..

Aku g kuar, cari mkn mlm..dlm pukul 6 lebih kot. B4 aku kuar bilik.. aku dah belek purse. Nampak duit kaler merah sekeping. Betul2 nampak..

Aku ambil.. bwk kunci bilik, bwk hp. Tu je..bwk diri skali..

Aku jalan...slow2..

(seronok la plk jalan slow. Salu nek moto jek..) amik angin petang..

Smpai kedai, Rai sms..tolong belikan indocafe. Nak stay up la tu..

Aku tempah nasi lemak telur dadar satu, n nc lemak telur mata satu. Aku tunggu. Sambil belek2 HP. SMS. Pe lagi..tak pun, delete inbox n sent items. Dah beribu2 kot. Msg ngan sape la byk2 tuh. 

(pdhal, mls nk trus delete..kumpul smpai jem hp..)

Nasi siap. Aku bangun dari krusi. Aku seluk poket. Amik duit kertas. Dengan yakinnya aku serahkan kat akak kedai tu. 

Opss!! Terkejut aku. Asal RM1 je nih???

Aku seluk lagi. Abes sume poket aku seluk. Dalam jaket skali.

Serius, xde dah duit kertas! Aku cuak. Malu..

“akak..sy byr malam ni erk.. terambik singget je tadi..” aku btau dia. Sengih2..mcm kerang buruk.

MALOOOOO!!!!

Kalu la ade cermin, kompem dapat aku tgk betapa merah muka aku time tu. Panas.

Huhu..aku g kedai runcit, cukup la singget nk bli 2 sachet indocafe.

Aku balik. Otw nk ke bilik tu, aku xbrenti2 sengih. Adoi..bwat malu kompeni jek. Buka purse, duit merah tu still ade kat ctu.

(serius, sy rs sy amik duit tu..bukan duit biru..hurmm....)

Malam tu aku g kedai tu balik. Akak tu senyum je masa dia nmpk aku. Haha..

Macam taktik nak mkn free je kan? Mcm dalam tv..

Cuai giler kan. Ntah ke mana pergi melayang fikiran. Byk sgt terfikirkan ketam kot... ngan projek ni.

Hari ni pulak...cuai jugak..

Dah makan pagi. Roti 2 keping, sapu ngan Nutella. Then teacino satu cawan.

Pagi td test..ok la..

Then..g kat hatcheri...xabes lg setting tempat nak bela ketam. Kite ni pun..angkut la tangki2 yg berat tuh..

(kompem, pas abes projek ni abes naek muscle..hahahaa)

Lapar balik. Tenaga byk guna. Lapar gile. kite ni dh la pompuan. kurus jek... mane la segagah jejaka nak angkat bnda berat2 tu..

Jalan pun nmpk nasi jek.

Naik moto. Rai bwk. Rai pun nmpk nasi je. Dua2 lapar.

Ktorg g Cancelori, nak ambil Matrix Card yg aku bwat smlm..

(oh ye..smlm aku bwat mtrix card baru. X expect plak kne amik gmba baru. Dah la muka burn T___T )

Xsiap lagi akak polis tu cakap..adei...esok la plk nmpknye..

Dengan laparnye, aku n Rai melangkah. Ntah ape yg aku bebelkan pn, aku xsure. Yg pasti.. dlm mata masing2...nmpk nasi..

(kesian gile kan?)

Jalan2.. jalan menuju ke tmpat parking motor..

“tintong!” hp berbunyi. Ade msg masuk.

Aku tunduk..tgk skrin HP..aku nak unlock.......sambil terus berjalan..

“..!!” (xtau la bunyi ke tidak)

sedar2 je, aku dah terantuk tiang. Konkrit tu...terlanggar kat bucu dia. Sakit, Pedih. Terkejut...sume la..

Nak tergelak sbnrnye...lucu, lapar n ralit ngan HP..smpai xprasan ade tiang kt depan. Satu pemeluk jgak besarnye. Tp...at the same time..nak ternanges pun ade. Huk2..thn je..mate pn da berair.. muka sengih jerk..sengih kelat. Huhu..

Nak sauk helmet...fuhh..pedih! aku takot r...terbedarah ke, terkoyak ke..yela, bkn nmpk..pkai tudung kan. B*ngong kejap rasa...bergegar otak kot..

Sampai bilik, solat...trus landing. Tak mkn.. (sila jgn marah..). mmg lapar, tp..kepala ni dah berdenyut-denyut sakitnya. Tahan lapar lagi..then tertido cmtu jek. Huhu...

Ni pun xhilang lagi berdenyut. Still rasa blurr...lost..

mlm ni..mkn benjo jek. 2 bijik. Kalo rajin..kuar la, cari mkn..huhu..

Seriously, bkn xnak mkn..tp, terlalu busy smpai terskip masa makan. Rasekanla bile korg final year..:p

tak sabar nak grad..

..huhu..

T___T