to thee..

this is what once i wished for..

so, i shudn't regret.. right?

I wanted to be invisible.

bcoz at that time I was so upset.

but.. it hurts sometimes..

still, I'm glad HE heard my prayers.

I don't know.. if this what I've really imagined.

or.. this may just be a punishment for what I did in my past.

sure.. I never wanted to be hated.

nor to be totally ignored.

Everyone wants to be loved.

to be acknowledged for any possible reasons.

me either.

guess my words have eaten me up.

I feel so alone in the crowd.

I feel a wide and super deep gap between us all..

I wished I was Alice..

but it seems like..

I'm just a Bella.

minus Edward, or Jacob.

I'm just by myself.

no one seems to really2 care of me.

now I am feeling like crying..

but does anyone would listen?

my lips and tongue are sealed.

I can't confess.

I can't speak of what I really feel.

even I shout it out loud in my heart.

no one replies.

this is sad.

this is scary.

being alone..

in a very young age.

this is the age where I should laugh out loud..

go somewhere with my girlfriends.

do something crazy..

then laugh again and again...

....

I want to tell them.. I love them so much..

those I call my friends.

well.. if they do think I'm one of their friends...

but my heart did shrink.. when I was not the one they'll come after..

to share stories.. happy or sad..

it's like.. I was no body.

I'm out of the list.

I want to be there for them. I really do.

but if they won't let me, what's more can I do?

I do feel pity looking my self in d mirror.

I see no one but a sad growing up girl, all by herself.

a dark background.

and an image of her friends laughing at her.

I am invisible.

my bad, I'm cold as ice.

but.. seems like no one care to break it and reach the warmth inside.

sorry cuz sometimes I can be a little bit mean.

But, is that all people can see on me?

**sigh**

I really love you guys..u know..

I guess.. I just need to pretend some more months here..

it's what I always do.

acting happy go lucky, like i have no problems at all..

wish you guys d best in the future..

it's okay if someday ahead.. you don't even remember on knowing me..

even my heart will definitely feel disappointed.

but, I wish.. that you would say when you hear someone saying my name..

"oh, I know her.. she's my friend..."

and again.. I really love you guys.

I might just cold enuf to admit.