Tuesday, April 10, 2012 0 comments

Mother-like feeling

Funny though.. life alone like this. You wake up alone, got to prepare your own breakfast.. or even lunch. Wash dishes and make sure the house is clean before you go to work.

Working. Yes, you are alone again. There are other staff near you, but they got their own job right. So… it’s you and your job. Evening, You go home. Went on LRT.. where others independent people just go to where ever they wanna go. Night, you prepare your dinner. Lazy enuf, you just hit the nearby stalls before going up the apartment. Buy some dishes. You just cook the rice. You eat, watch TV. Prepare tomorrow’s attire. Sleep.


It’s just so funny. I mean.. being out like an adult. Well, I am young. My brain’s young. I dunno if I can really live this kind of life. Even funnier.. somehow this condition gives me the mothery feelings. Haha..

Why not.. you wake up alone, preparing breakfast as if you got children to feed. Later prepare them to the tadika.. time keje, already nak kena pk..mlm nnti nak masa apa. balik, go fetch them from the tadika first. Then prepare dinner.

Seronok lah plk imagine cmtuh.
*sebab imagine je, bkn real pn..tu yg sronok. Kalo real, mau mampus kot.. bkn takat kena prepare itu ini..tp kne layan kerenah anak2 lg. kalo anak yg mengada2…lg la.. semoga tak jadi ibu yg garang. Hahaha

erk.. oke, sy dah mula merepek. Tp siyes what.. memang trase cmtu. Mcm lawak untuk minda umo 22 tahun. Bg sy la.. sbb sy tahu diri sy ni cmne. Kebudak-budakkan. Certain people, umo 22 mmg dah matured. Fikiran mcm dah kehadapan..mcm org2 dewasa. I don’t really think I’m that kind of people la.

Bebaru ni.. got a fren tanya sy..” zarin anak sulung ea?” She said sy nmpk berdikari. Hahaha..

Had to la sayang. Dah la tercampak kt bumi KL ni sorg2. Keje lak sorg2.. most of the things mmg kena buat sendiri.. besides.. parent pn bukan makin muda. So, despite of how kebudak-budakkan n manja.. terpaksa la push diri untuk survive. Sampai bile nak bergantung kat family kan?

Hm.. baru2 ni satu peristiwa besar berlaku. Sy takkan lupa sampai bila2 la.. it’s about the bitterness of city life. Sy ade merepek psl tu in previous post. Tp xnak mention ape bnda yg berlaku. Malas untuk mengingat. Biar jadik pengajaran je. And… it makes me think. Adekah sy perlu pemantau? I mean..org yang ade untuk pantau ape yg sy buat. I mean..er..

Mcm mana nak ckp ye.. Ala.. senang ckp..teman hidup? Haha.ops! gatai nak kawin kaa?

Xdela jgk. Feeling natural je. Xdek la rs desperate lg. haha.. cumanya, ntahla.. sy xtahu adekah sy ni can go on kehidupan gni. Baru je jauh sket ngan family.. bru je xbrp lama duk sorg2… dah ada mnde extreme berlaku. Soalannye.. can I really trust myself? Eh.. korg paham ke sy ckp ape ni? Mcm makin pening je. Haha.. ntah. Xreti dah nak explain. Hal berkaitan feelings ni mmg pyh nk explain, xgtu?


Happiness only real when shared

Maybe I dreamed too much.

Dear blog.. Sincerely what’s mentioned in the movie “Into the Wild” is plain true.

“Happiness only real when shared”

Not saying I’m not happy now. I wish I could tell you everything... but everyone got stories meant to be kept alone. Secrets.

I wish you know.. that I am a bit depressed. Not about the workings. Not really about staying alone. It’s about what I did last week. I don’t even want to recall about it. Don’t ask me. Please. I’ve had enough. I did feel like this once.. when I broke up with my 1st love. Yes, this is as bitter as that. I don’t know if I’m really okay.. or just pretend like one. Life must go on, I can’t keep thinking or regretting about it all the time.
 But I can’t help to cry seeing the dreams I so want to have before my eyes. It was a torture. Tremendous one.

And…to make it worse, it happens everyday.
 Dear blog.. if only you know……

I know saying stuff won’t undo the past. Lot’s of ‘if only’s too won’t undo the past.
 I just… don’t know what to say.. I just want to let you know how I feel right now. Because..I don’t really have somebody near me..in real.. to talk to.

It’s not that sweet n encouraging to keep on saying “Yes I can do this! There are lots of people less fortunate than me. This is nothing” everyday to myself…. alone.

I’m admitting that I’m just as other people too. There are times when I can be as bright as I can..or keep on motivated and positive most of the times. But..there are also times when I am in the weakest state. I’m just a human. Even superheroes got depressed at times, don’t they?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012 0 comments


Last Sunday was a mess.
Yesterday too.

She was too clueless and innocent.
She wanted to believe
that there are still kind people in this world.
Thank God, there are.

But still,
bad people are everywhere
She was less likely to aware

But thank God she's okay.
The lost.. let it be.
What's left is more important.
She has tasted the bitterness of city life.

Yes she is young..
But there are so many people younger than her
who feel a world a lot bitter than hers

let's hope she's strong enough to face days ahead.
she's really demotivated.
each bit of life pushes her tears.

her love.. she had too kill it.
Maybe she don't want to..
but it's too painful to realize 
it's because of the love.. she's been through such bitterness

that love didn't betray her.
It's... some bad people who tainted the love.

I hope she'll get back on her foot someday

#The cost for an experience is not cheap