nothing..something..everything..little thing...anything..

It's been a long while to write in english again.. hurm.. ideas aren't in my head anymore. They're gone..together with...

urm..forget about it. I'm not here to brag about my life.

..Not really having things to say..
(just to cover up articles in english..or else, Adsense will block my income.. I just wanna see how much I'll get at the end. Will I be able to withdraw them?)

I've just browsed my friend's photos in her Facebook. She's so d*mn beautiful. She's rich, kind and friendly too.What makes her even more beautiful is...she never took off her scarf..(meaning..bertudung laa..)

For a while, I was intoxicated with her sparkling beauty. I'm kind of shy to poke her. yelah..kite ni org kampung je, tak stylo mcm dy..huhu..dia kwn pun dgn kawan2 yg stylo jgk.. but I know, she's being kind to everyone. (tak pernah nampak dia marah atau bermuram.. gud girl!)

I really want to know, does she remembers me? So, I start a chat with her. via FB.

She replies. She still know me..ehehee...(terharu pulak rasanya, org cantik ckp ngan kite..)

Just a brief chat. Asking where is she now. her u.. and so on.

I can feel the humbleness within her. Having a lot of money, didn't make her greedy or stingy. No wonder she got more than 100 friends in FB. She also got 2 friendster account, cuz one of em' was already full. (entah hidup ke lagi account Frienster tu..masing2 sibuk dengan FB je skrg kan..)

Such a nice girl she is. I hope that other wealthy people have that attitude of her's.

I browsed other friends profile too. To be honest, I'm sad..seeing some my friends. Uploading unproper photos.. Don't know la what to say. I guess they all know what right and what's wrong.

Enough of that..

New sem's entering. Gosh, I am soo having-no-heart to go. Practical report goes no where. I haven't started any single words of it. What about upcoming finl year project? Haven't study any oso..

huu..

seriously, I only have mood to do..NOTHING. It's like..my soul's not with me. I've just argued with one of my friends. I scolded him. Utter most harsh words I can think of to say. I wish I am sorry for that.

but i feel nothing. Emotion engulfed me so deep. I can't even think properly right now. What I need now, is time. Time to settle everything down. I believe..this got an end. One day.

no matter what happen, or how hard this life has pushed me..I'm with my words.

very persistant and hard headed. that is soo.. me.
removing those two habit, makes me..not me anymore. am I right? hehe

KMP3..'nak dijadikan cerita"

(aaa....semalam bukan main byk idea..bukan main bunga2 ayat dlm fikiran. Tp skrg..BLURR~~~)

nak start dari mana ye? urm..bg salam dulu lah..

Assalamualaikum wbt..

Saya ni sbnrnya nak ckp psl Kem Menuju Puncak 3 (KMP3) baru2 ni. Byk la kisah suka duka disebaliknya. Dengan kelam kabutnya... Dengan kekangan itu & ini.. Seriously, Kem kali ni memang jem. (aii..sape la MT2 nye tu..). Confirm..(bukan setakat mungkin) disebabkan oleh preparation yg kurang..

Tp, apepun..Berjaya jugak diadakan. Alhamdulillah. Semoga usaha dan jasa semua yang terlibat, ikhlas keranaNya. I'Allah...ada saham2nya jgk nanti.

Nak dijadikan cerita, sempat jgk sy tumpang rumah Sue sehari dua. Tu la kali pertama saya menjejakkan kai ke rumah dia, sepanjang..erm..7 thun berkawan. huhu... Asalnya nak balik dari sekolah terus Sabtu tu, tapi xde kenderaan. Nak tumpang orang, orangnya tak datang2.. Nak naik bas pun, dah lewat sangat.

Well, ade hikmahnya. Saya boleh ikut Akak2 n Abg2 g ziarah junior yg sakit. Asalnya, nak lawat isteri pengetua skali. sbb dgr2 dia pn sakit smpai xleh bangun. Tp, pengetua xde. Lagipun, hari dah lewat. Sempat lawat Bushirie je la.

Tak tahu la adik tu sakit ape sbnrnya.. Kesian tgk dia. Terlantar je dalam bilik. Sape2 yang berkelapangan, pergi la lawat dia. I'm sure he'll be happy.

Nak dijadikan cerita (oleh sebab kite ni menumpang je kereta@van orang), kerana terlibat ngan Kem ni jgk la, sy sempat kenal2 rumah kawan2 kat mana.. Kalau tak, entah bila nak kenal.

(masa tu igt la direction, tp..saya ni jenis tak ingat jalan. Sekarang pun dah blur kat mana rumah diorang...Nak kena pergi lagi ni..ahaks..)

Oleh kerana sempat bermalam kat rumah Sue, bermacam cerita baru la yg saya tahu.. Biasa la, bila dpt jumpa kawan setelah sekian lama.. Segala macam kisah kita buka balik..

(hehe...relax Sue, sy tak citer nye kat sini..) Apa yg boleh sy simpulkan.. Manusia ni, mcm2 cara diuji. Diuji dgn bnda yg kita nak, tp tak dapat.. Ataupun, diuji dgn apa2 yg kita taknak, tapi kita dapat..(faham ke?)

Banyak lagi orang kena uji dengan ujian yang lagi dasyat. Emosi, fisikal..semua la. So, kalu kena uji tu..kena ingat2 la balik.

"Allah tidak membebani seseorang melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya..." -al Baqarah:286

erm..apa lagi ye?

oh ye, ada cerita disebalik Timbalan Pengarah Kem. Asalnya, cik Radhiah yg diamanahkan memegang jwtn tu. Nak dijadikan cerita, tup2, jadual exam short sem dia clash dgn program. Banyak jugak yang dia dah settle-kan. Huhu..sabar jela. Apepun, nak berterima kasih sangat2 pada cik Radhiah ni, sebab banyak membantu urusan Kem. All d best la untuk exam awk..

^^,

Then, jawatan berganti tuan. Ukhti plk yg diberi amanah. Saya kagum dgn dia ni. Terlalu baru dengan pengurusan Kem, tp.. dia tetap boleh adapt. Ni la student yg kite mahu..hehe

sayang seribu kali sayang, (nak dijadikan cerita lagi..)di saat akhir...Ukhti perlu menghadiri interview dekat Kedah. Hari Jumaat rasanya. So, mlm Jumaat tu, dia dah nak kena balik...

(Terima kasih banyak2 Ukhti. Byk jasa awak pd Kem ni..)

Jawatan sekali lagi bertukar hak milik. Kali ni Sue plk. Bila diingat kembali, awal2 dulu...Sue bukan main taknak jawatan tinggi2. Last2, jadi Timbalan Pengarah lagi.. hehe..

Agaknya, Allah memang nak dia kot untuk jawatan tu. Lari ke mana pun, akhirnya...kena jugak.

(cerita psl Sue lagi..hehe..jgn marah Sue. xpe2...ade org suka dgr cerita psl awk =p)

Erm..mengenai AGM plk.. Sedih jgk sy tgk. AJK2 bukan main bersungguh plan. Tup2..yg datang ciput je. Tu pun AJK2 n Fasi2 KMP3 yg masih stay kat sekolah...

Hurm..(husnuzhon je la..) Mungkin orang lain ada kekangan2 yg x dpt dielakkan.. Benda dah lepas, tak guna nak makan hati lagi..huhu. Sy tak pape pun..kesiankan AJK AGM tu je..

Ape lagi ye.....(blurr...td berenti mkn. Skrg, idea dah hilang....)

Haa...masa duk kat rumah Sue..(Sue lagi..hihi), ada la tgk album2 lama masa skolah dulu.. Rindunye kwn2..Kalau dpt kumpul semua, kan best? huhu...

Yang lost contact pun ramai. Try search dekat FB pn..masih tak jumpa. Apa khabar la agaknya dorg tu. Belajar kat mana..dah kerja ke..

Lepas satu-satu gambar dibelek, ditenung....I noticed something.

Waa...dulu, saya lagi berisi! haha...ha.... Mungkin masa tu tengah bahagia ke ape. Tgk yg skrg, alahai..kurusnye. Mkn byk pun, serupa ini jgk.. makan hati kot byk...huhu

ish...ikut la..kurus ke, berisi ke..gemuk ke... Asal sihat ( Sihat ke? sihat la kotnya...). Nak gemuk sgt, lepas dpt anak nanti gemuk la...haha..

(dh start melalut nih..)

Ha...ckp psl anak..berkait ngan kawin kan? Hurm...17 September ni, Kak Ida akan dipersatukan dengan Abg Zepi. (nak pggil abg ke..? kekok plk..) Semoga lancar lah hendaknya majlis tu.

(fikiran mula berangan...) Mesti Kem after nie, dorg dah bergelar Husband & Wife. Alahai...sweetnye~~ (ntah2... dh pregnant ke pe masa tu.. Lagi Sweet!) we're talking general here ok.. mesti dh blushing ni kalu bc..hehe..(oh, I luv menyakat org~~)

17 Julai ni pulak, Kak Che' ngan Abg Faiz. Hehe..menghitung hari je la tu.. (skrg masih berkira2..nak pergi mcm mana...huu.. Smoga Allah permudahkan. Amin!) btw..mana kad xsmpai2 nie..puas tunggu.. terkesot hatiku~ hehe

ada sorang akhawat lg yg kawen 17 Julai ni. Huu...Dkat Trg ni jgk la.. (aduhh.. yg mana satu nk pegi nie??) All of them umo 23..(mungkinkah seru itu smpai pd umo 23?haha....melalut lagi..)

Hurm...Batch dorang dh smpai seru. Batch atas saya pn...dah ada yg smpai seru.. (seru apa plk ni? hehe).. Batch saya nanti, agak2 sape la yg berani memulakan langkah. Very curious!! lagi 2-3 tahun..ada la dgr berita2 drp bdk2 ni..(fikiran menerawang lagi...Ahh...Soo sweettt)

Bila berimaginasi mcm ni.. gembira jgk rsnya. Lupa skjap perkara2 yg meragut jiwa (haih....apekah bndanya??) Maksud sy..apa2 mslh yg menyerabutkan fikiran la..assgment ke, report ke..

lagi satu...kpd siapa2 yg ada transfer gmbr2 entitled KMPIII (pics from my hp), sy nk minta jasa baik tlg delete gmbr2 yg tak berkaitan kem. Bese la, ble amik gmbr dgn hp sendiri..mcm2 pose n situasi yg bukan untuk public ada. Tak sempat nak tapis, terus bg satu folder pd Kak Zu' hari tu. Dari situ..transfer pd org lain. Sy pun xtahu dah sampai mana gambar2 tu. huk2... (tersangat lah malu...) Nasib baik la xde gmbr yg tak pakai tudung ke apa...kalau tak, tak tahu la nk letak muka kat mana....

Please ye...tlg delete. huhu...

sorry..

I admit, I did mistakes. Sometimes, I did it on purpose.
I didn't finish what I've started.
I didn't do my job properly.

Now, I'm so ashamed of myself.
You must have thought that I'm not a good friend.
A no good working member.

I realized all that.
I do.
But I can't help myself about it.

There's always something that keeps on bugging me.
Killing my mood to make it done.
To do what I should do.
My responsibility.

Maafkan saya kerana menyusahkan kamu semua.
I'm not a good committee member.

to face uols pn...rasa segan...huuuu

little things behind..

"There's always a little truth behind every 'just kidding,'

a little emotion behind every 'I don't care,' and

a little pain behind every 'It's okay..."

I think these words are very2....touching.
they're true...aren't they?

masa depan.

kdg2 terpikir...malasnye nk keje. lepas grad, orang yg berkelulusan mcm sy keje ape je..pegawai sains? penat je tgk pegawai sains keje. orang bawahan pun xberapa nak ske. hurm.. gaji pun, xde la seberapa sangat nak dibandingkan kerja2 dan bebanan yang ditanggung.

kerja kerajaan, mesti busy. pegi masuk kerja pukul 8, balik pukul 5. malam mesti penat. quality time ngan keluarga sendiri berkurang. I hoped so much, that I'll be the one yang didik mereka, my kids.. bkan diserahkan hanya pada guru-guru untuk ajar dorg tentang kehidupan. Saya mahu, mereka dekat dengan saya.

I don't want them to be like me. Most of the religious education.. learned out from my own house. I wanna teach them by myself. Not saying that I know everything...It'll be my husband's job to support me. I want to grow my children with love.. that's all.

kalau kerja seharian macam tu, will my dreams come true?

nak meniaga? hurm...tak minat sangat. nak meniaga apa? kalau meniaga, mungkin boleh dapat banyak duit. bukankah 9 daripada 10 pintu rezeki datang dari berniaga? bila banyak duit, banyak yang boleh saya lakukan. pelajaran anak2, insyaAllah..sy support ngan duit2 tu.. Nak besarkan rumah? haha..itu kemudian punya cerita la..asal hepi famili sudah.. (len kalu anak ramai..haha). ngan duit2 tu jgk, few of my dreams can be achieved, jika takde halangan..

kalau boleh, saya nk kerja yg boleh duk kat rumah je..huhu. by that way, I can keep my eyes to my children..(apesal nih, pikir psl anak je....haishh..baru umo 20 kot..)

saya kena bergantung pada diri saya sendiri. Duit, saya pun kena cari sendiri. Tak mahu susahkan dear husband. Nafkah tu, tetap nafkah. Duit yang saya kumpul, ada la motifnya.. takleh reveal sekarang, nanti orang kata saya cakap tak serupa bikin..atau..terlalu berangan..atau..nak bongkak..nak riak..

tau2 jela, org zaman sekarang..persepsinya selalu saja negatif..

hurm..dilemma..(grad belum, dah fikir lebih~~)

yela, kite pun kene fikir jugak masa depan. I have few dreams to achieve.. kite kena jugak merancang. tp, jangan terlalu berharap. nanti kalu bukan itu yang Allah hendak, makan hati la kite. huhu..

percaya jela, everything yang berlaku ade kebaikannya tersendiri..

approaching the end..gonna miss u guys~

today I went to Kerilla, somewhere kat Tanah Merah ni jgk la..Kwsn estate. Ikut hospital pegi bwat mobile derma darah.. Supervisor ikut, tu practical student leh pegi jgk tu..

I, Fatin n Ela went there, wearing baju kurung.. There was a festival. Held to celebrate 36th anniversary of Kuil Mariyamah..(what..?) Mostly yg datang Indian, from all around Malaysia. Very2 bising.. Dorang pasang doa ke, bnda ntah kat speaker...adoyai...

sesampainya kat sana, di sambut Wakil Kerilla. Then, nurses dari Hosp. Jeli.. Haha~ this is the part I like.. When they greet me, seeing that I'm not wearing uniform.. one of the nurses asked me.." err, doktor ke?"..haha, I replied...saying "eh, xla...student practikal je".. (patutnye jwb yes r kan, leh berlakon jadi doktor =p)

kalu pakai stateskop, mesti lagi nmpk cam doktor kan? hik2..

mula2, agak kelam kabut r.. Not knowing what shud we do.. We're just too new to this kind of thing. So, bersimpang-siur cam hilang arah je r..huhu

then, ble da siap susun...org pun dah start derma....saya yg ke-blur-an ni, masih mundar-mandir..

(adoi...ape aku kne buat ni..nak tolong tapi, bagaimana??)

sebelum pergi tu, ada jgk tanya kawan kat IMR..bila mobile, kne buat ape. He said.." ade r kne check Hb, Blood grup n Blood sugar".. asking me, do I know how to do it. Blood glucose n blood gruping tau la..Hb, tak sempat belajar ag.. So, ade r kawan tu sindir2 sikit..pyh kalu bwk org tak tau buat ape..sedikit arguing, ending with him saying that I do it again.. ckp serupa org cerdik.

Ahh..ape lagi, makan hati la kite. selame ni takde pun org komplen. (org tranung kate 'bekok').. lantak la. dah nama zarin (means cerdik...ayh yg ckp), born to ckp style cerdik la kotnye..huhu

berbalik kpd cerita derma darah.. awal2 tu mmg menggelabah. En. Seek (supervisor) ajar skali. paham je. then try buat. Tp, gelabah punya pasal..darah xmo kuar la..kalu kuar pun, xcukup la.. aduii..dekat 4-5 kali jugak En. Seek buat retest. Time kasih byk laa..

Takde la susah sangat pun. Gelabah je..and, most of donor tu keje estate. keje kasar. Jari punya kulit banyak tebal.. Kalau cucuk tak cukup dalam, mmg xnak kuar la darah tu. 90% test, sume sy yg buat. I've proven myself..I can do it.

dalam byk2 tu, ade jugak la yg rhesus negative. Dalam 2-3 orang. this is my first time la jumpe sendiri..huhu

kesimpulan: saya suke ikut mobile dan saya nk ikut lagi kalu berkesempatan..(menulis dengan rasa penat sekali, sambil memikirkan log book yg tak siap2..)

mslhnya, next jumaat..I'll be back to Terengganu. dah abis praktikal (tetibe sebak). mmg da xleh nk join dh psni..huhuk

saye suke jugak duk sini sbnrnya..dpt kwn baru:wanie, kak jibah, zaty, farah, dila, mawar, elis, surya, rosa, kak hanis, kak wan, kak ti dan ja..knal2 ngan staff.. dapat nakal2 (ye r, sbb sume tak kenal, kalu nak buat gile2 pun...xde sape yg cam..hehe), jumpe mcm2 jenis org.. berlakon jadi doktor..huhu..

mcm2 lagi r. saya takkan lupa la pengalaman ni...I'Allah.. semoga All of us yg prak masa ni (UMT, UTM, UPM,PTPTL syah alam n kota baru..) berjaya dlm hidup masing2..