to you, my Mr Right.

"lovely"... the holiday just about to enter..

and I caught cold.

sneezing all around..

terrible headache..

feeling warm n cold at the same time..

this really sucks.. uhuu..

hacchummm!!

srottt...srottt

:P

td tgk cter p/s I love You..

4 d 2nd time.

(I should watch it when I'm little bit older.. huhu.. english movies.. they're all 'unclean')

such a sad story..uhuu..

just about the first 30 minutes, tears came rushing to my cheek. easily touched.

owh...movie tu dlm 2jam kot..

she loved her husband so much..

uhu.. and it seems like she hurts a lot when he died..

and the upcoming few weeks..or month mybe..

she looks like a crazy widow..

she couldn't get over it..

somehow.. it reminds me a lot to the 'dark days' I had.

felt like.."I can't face the world anymore..I can't continue my life.. I hate..I regret.. life's just too hurtful to be continued.. I wouldn't feel any more pain if I just die.."

but..at the same time.."I can't die yet..", "I'm young..there's more to treasure out there".."it's time to really be myself".."I just.. don't deserve him..there's someone fated to be with me. someone I need.."

stuffs like that.

don't worry..I am getting over it.

just..sometimes when memories came rushing to you..

it could be tough sometimes..

tough enough to push ur tears out..

it's like I might be just too obsess with so called first love that I don't even want to let it go.

I'm just a typical person who believe so much in falling in love just once in my life and hope that it'll be forever..

myb I'm just not fated to be like one..

so unbelievable. but that's what happened. I just need to accept it, don't I?

what to do..

things went not really as what you expected..

of course you can't blame God..

actually, knowing God exists become the primary soothing reminder..

HE got plans 4 my life.

eh.. what am I saying? ughh.. knock it off already..

I'm sorry..

I'm easily being carried away with that episode.

this head ache is terrible..

when I'm starting to realize that I got carried away like this..

one of the things that come into my mind is.."owh Mr Right, whoever you are..where are you? when will I finally meet you?"

I do hope..well..kind of have these wishes that he's someone different from what I thought.

but i would like if he's some kind of funny, crazy maybe..sweet smiling.. trust me no matter what comes in line.. not too rational, but knows what's good for our long term life..treat me so wonderful.. being spontaneous.. sing me love songs before we sleep (dun care if he's not good in singing).. give me flowers without reasons.. talkative n love to tease me in any ways.. (really need to love teasing me cuz I tend to sulk, and it sucks when I have to coax myself. such a tense situation it'll be)

but.. seems like too much of daydreaming right? can't this kind of man really exist? why can't? we control our life. we do mistakes. but we can do wonderful things with it. why don't make those dream comes true? doesn't trying to make our life beautiful, meaningful?

at least..we're trying.

this is far okay than wishing for some tough, tall 6pax guy, with charming face, very masculine and strong. romantic and perfect character guy. rich and brave and kind.. sort of impossible for someone like me.

so..I would like to remind myself.. or..any readers..

think about it..

why don't we make our life wonderful? I am messed up sometimes. I am cold. I am too much of sensitivity. Too much of dreaming.. but I do want the best of  my life. of course..for you too. I am trying, I will.. even you might not see it. if it's a dream, I wanted to make it true. something real. I would like to make you feel that u're lucky to have me. I wanted you to know.. that I'm just an ordinary person with lots of defects and I can never be perfect. but, having you in my life will surely fill the imperfect parts of me. I have a heart that might change someday, but you gotta make me believe that u're worth it. I can't survive a relationship if I'm the only one trying to save it. I had enough. God, I am so curious about you...dearest Mr Right. I'm not expecting much of you. I've learnt. I'll try to accept you whatever person u're like. I don't want any perfect guy. if u r already perfect, then what my function will be in ur life, rite? u wouldn't need me if u're already perfect. err.. I'm not referring to anyone by saying this. just.. any possible perfect guy lah out there. to you, especially my Mr Right..out there..

ahh..ape merepek nih.. sorry2.. i really need to stop now..huhu

p/s: It's like loving someone you don't really know. actually, someone you have no idea who he is. 

this is.. crazy

=.=" 

(am I crazy??)